August 13, 2015
“It’s a lot easier to sabotage your career than to have a career to sabotage.” Win Butler, Musician
STUFF I KNOW BY ME © Kathleen McKern Verigin
I’ve been in a secret relationship for many years. We come and go, in out and of each other’s lives. Sometimes it wants my attention, even demanding it. In those moments I don’t want to give it. I want to hide and pretend I’m not in this relationship. You see, I’m a minister, a wise woman, a seasoned mentor, compassionate listener, bold entrepreneur, she who is imagined as someone who is successful in all of her endeavors. Would you still think that of me if you knew about this relationship? If I revealed this dark and secret part of my life? Okay, if you’re reading this far, you must want to know. The name of this partner is The Saboteur.
The Saboteur gets around so I won’t be surprised to hear that you’re in the same relationship. It is my understanding, through study and experience, that we all carry the archetype of The Saboteur. Author and spiritual teacher, Carolyn Myss, says this:
The Saboteur archetype is the energy that undermines or sabotages your empowerment and is the guardian of all your choices. The Saboteur is about the ways, methods and means that you sabotage your relationship to Truth. This archetype is about developing an instinct for when you or someone else is undermining your self-esteem. As you come into your own Truth, you will have a rapport and intuitive sense for what is right for you and what will undermine you. This is the Saboteur that is centered in the light attributes of its energy.
Earlier today I had a moment of panic around a choice I needed to make. It had to do with a chunk of money, and the reality that I could risk losing it if I moved ahead with a project. With that thought, I literally stopped breathing. My body froze. I felt a punch in the gut. It was the voice in my head that got my attention: “Pssst, Kathleen, that’s a lot of money, you may lose it all, you may fail, people may think you let them down, then everyone will know how inept you are, how unworthy you are, how pathetic you are. Oh, Kathleen, I love you so. Let’s ignore the Truth and keep dancing. Remember, I’m Your Saboteur. I’m always with you, guarding your choices. I will never let you down. I promise to keep showing up as long as you need me.”
Dang, The Saboteur was back! Without knowing it, I had re-entered the dance floor of my mind, accompanied by limited thoughts, to the tune of low self-esteem. We hadn’t partnered in a long, long time. But the dance was so familiar, intoxicatingly so, that I found myself spinning and twirling under The Saboteur’s confident leadership. That is, until I reached out for prayer support. And that is the point of this message.
The Saboteur is a part of every person’s life. No one escapes it. We are the ones who give it power, especially when we are feeling powerless. This morning, for a brief window of time, I felt powerless in making a certain decision that involved money. I dropped the dance hold with The Saboteur and reached out for prayer support. The dance of Truth returned.
I am a child of God. My dream is big. It’s doable, because I am worthy, smart, clever, and experienced. My partner is The Divine. All things are possible when the Truth is remembered. I remember now. I have returned to Love. I now prosper and grow. The decision has been made. Thank you God.
And so it is….