Friendship

January 19, 2019

“When your spiritual study is sincere, the breaking-up of your material world—the desertion of friends, students, or family, a change in health or other outer activity—often ushers in the spiritual transition, or rebirth. This is the attainment of that which you have sought.”  – Joel Goldsmith, The Infinite Way

One of the assignments I was first given in ministry school, way back in 1993, was to make a list of the most important current friendships in my life. This did not include family members or partners. Then I was told to put the list away, and notice how those relationships may change over the next three years.  And change they did!  I was shocked the first time I returned to the list, just one year later.

One friend had moved to the East Coast, seemingly out of the blue. I greatly missed our spontaneous coffee dates and long conversations.  Another friend suddenly divorced and relocated two states away. I didn’t see the split coming, nor did I see her moving away. Like with the East Coast friend, our day-to-day interactions quickly faded.

I remember pulling away from a friend who had become toxic for me. Her negativity was predictable and a real downer. Not just with me, but with others when I invited her to gatherings in my home. These were spiritual gatherings! I heard from a mutual friend that she was very hurt by my withdrawal. I chose to do nothing, and just let it be. 

Then there was the woman I considered a sister of the soul. She dumped me as a friend because I was enthralled by my new boyfriend and his young children. “Kathleen, I never thought you would be the type to use me as a friend until you got a boyfriend.”  Ouch!  I didn’t even go through that in junior high but I sure remember the curse of it. What she didn’t recognize was that, in addition to school three nights a week involving a one-hour drive each way, I was working four days a week at a publishing company 20 miles away. During that time, I was building a relationship that would lead to marriage and step-parenting. Something in my life had to take the hit, and, sadly, it was her.

Did I lose friends that year because of my spiritual studies? Did I think I was too good for them, which is what the toxic lady accused me of? Or had these friendships just taken their course and needed to fade away?

Two years later, in preparation for ministry licensing, I was again told to revisit the list. I was surprised this time because of the healing that had occurred with some of the friends who had been filed under “former.” Facebook re-connected me with my friend who moved to the East Coast and the divorced friend that moved two states away. She’s remarried and happily so. The woman I labeled as toxic was moving away and wanted to have lunch. I was able to less clumsily speak my truth. We wished each other well. I became friends again with the woman who said I used her until I got a boyfriend. A few years later, she dumped me again. This time saying my request to not receive her right- wing rants post 9/11 was selfish. “If we can’t talk about everything, then I can’t be free to talk with you about anything,” said she. The bye bye was for good.

I share this memory inspired by Mark Dodich’s astrology forecast for this upcoming Full Moon & Lunar Eclipse. (see below) I share it too because of the Joel Goldsmith quote. (see above) I now know that when my spiritual studies are sincere—because I will be a forever student—some of my safety nets will fall away. Might be friends, might be heath, or might be financial security. That is as it should be. The blessing from this curse is that my friendships today are deeper and richer, with both parties more authentic.

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