Feelings

STUFF I KNOW © Kathleen McKern Verigin

It was the morning after the November 8th election. I wanted to stay in bed with the warm blankets over my head. I recall saying something similar to a therapist years ago when I was going through a rough spell. “Then do it,” she advised. “Put a blanket over your head and just be with it.” And so I did, and continue to do so when the going gets rough, and, as the daily news reveals, when the rough gets going. The key is to stay awake while I’m taking refuge under my blankies. I can almost year Rumi whisper, “Don’t go back to sleep!” That is both an invitation and a challenge.

It’s no secret that I am a news hound and not because I worked in broadcasting. It’s because I have an insatiable sense of curiosity. (Some say it’s because I’m Irish and therefore I’m nosey.) A news story is an invitation for me to learn, to understand, to figure out how an executive order impacts my life and the world around me. The challenge is to stay neutral. I often tell my mentoring clients—“Put on your archetypal detective hat and explore.”  Because the news since January 20th has been mostly shocking and depressing, I occasionally invite myself to retreat and hide under the blankies. It is there that I nurse my wounded spirit. I don’t stay there, but I do go there—unapologetically. Feelings make me human.

My dear mother, now departed nearly 19 years, had a habit of saying to me me, “You don’t feel that way,” or, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” I know she was trying to protect me, but in this case her intentions took me down a hellish road of confusion. It wasn’t until my mid-30s that I was finally able to identify a real feeling. Now, in my mid-60s, and after this bizarre election, my feelings have been all over the map. At times I feel discouraged. Sometimes I shake my head and mutter WTF under my breath. Other times I step outside and take several deep, cleansing breath. I remember that joy is also a feeling, and I’m entitled to it. So where do we find our joy in the midst of so much chaos? For me, I turn to Nature.

“In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments; there are consequences.”
Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899) American Lawyer

In the Northern Hemisphere we are teetering between winter and spring. What was cold and grey is in the process of becoming warm and green. Could this be similar to my perceived need to hide under the blankies? Because I’m not quite ready to say spring has sprung? By that I mean I’m not quite ready for the rebirth of our country under new leadership. Under the covers this morning, while I lingered in bed before rising, a meditation from years ago came to mind.

An old crone wagged her finger in my face and said, “You’re trying to give birth quietly and cleanly. Birth is noisy and messy. Now get on with it.” Today I think she would add, “And don’t go back to sleep!”

 

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